L'Ombre de mon Ombre

Having promised myself I wont let this turn into an ME CFS blog what happens ? I only seem to get here when some crisis in health or something else has appeared.

So much has been happening and I should have been documenting it here but alas and alack the whole thing has slidden down the mountain as usual. I just cannot keep up with it all.

The Easter hols were just over the last time I got here and now half term is upon the horizon.

Much of my time has been taken up with dentistry. Actually I’m very proud of myself because I have found a new dentist much better than the last and had five fillings without incident or panic or anything BUT the anaesthetic seems to do me in – must be the chemicals and my CFS not reacting very well together. It takes 2 or 3 days to begin to feel OK again and by then the weekend is here and the time is filled up with ferrying children to swimming, parties, friends houses or sorting out domestic stuff.

There have been births and deaths. Our brood of chickens declined by one two weeks ago. I went down to the run and found poor Honey lying there with her little tootsies in the air ---- completely out of the blue. The next day having been in mourning for the poor old bird, I went down and Honey’s sister, Goldie and her chum Spike have produced 9 chicks and the next day Blackie and Coaltar have produced another six so we’re down one and up 15 ----25 chickens in all now. When I found the first chicks I was having a miserable day and the birth of those little things completely lifted me; made me think of the birth of our children. New life is always such a joy and a blessing.

For months I have been trying to find a new dog for us. Three years ago our dear old mutt, Dorothy, passed over after 16 years. She’s buried under the apple trees supplying the nutrients for a beautiful pink rose bush just above her little form. Last week I was having a cheerful but tired day and when I woke up my partner had ’borrowed’ a friend’s dog for the afternoon. This little tike is so naughty but so lovely. It was a joy to throw balls again and take her for a short walk in the fields behind our house and to have that nice doggy smell around again. I went to the Oldies dog site to see if there was a dog we might rescue http://www.oldies.org.uk and there was but sadly she has had to go to another home. She hated other dogs, cats, small animals. With our collection there’s no way we could have met her needs. I am determined to have another dog and if possible to have an old whippet. One will come to me when the time is right.

The most recent event is the death of my mother in law. She only passed three days ago. She had been ill for many years but even so the end was swift and a shock. She had Alzheimer’s like my father. She had been such a vital force: kind, funny, naughty, warm and welcoming and like a second mother to me. Though we hadn’t seen the ‘real her’ for many years it seems strange that she has really gone now and even stranger because now, neither my partner nor I have our parents ---all gone and we’re left here to be the grown ups and carry on the baton. It feels lonely and quite frightening. At least my partner has siblings to share time with and, whilst I have no blood relatives left at all, I do have her family to connect with and share memories.