My dear blogging chum Seahorse is very chuffed at the mo because she has finally had a stairlift installed. In the process of telling us all about this addition to 'Seahorse Villas' she reveals that she has a model called The Mondrian. The lift is made by a Dutch company and apparently all their models are named after painters: Rembrandt, Van Gogh etc.
Some of her Commenty Pals have suggested that there may be other models too such as the Rubens for the fuller figured, the Picasso which leads somewhere unexpected or the Dali which is made of jelly (thank you Goldfish)
This has sent me of a train of thought for I have always been intrigued by the utterly ridiculous names that manufacturers of everything from nail polish to houses give their products --- presumably in order to give them a certain mystique and seduce us into a purchase. Little do they seem to know that most of us just snigger.
There are other stair lifts of course.
The Lucien Freud is for people with mottled skin and the Beryl Cook is for ladies who like jelly and ice cream on the way up and a sticky bun on the way down (this model to feature a pull out, back lit, tray-ette.)
The Warhol goes up the stair very slowly and falteringly and then finishes at the top with the pop of flash bulbs and recordings of 'oohs ' and 'ahhhs' for 15 minutes.
The Goldsworthy is a more pastoral version with a ring of stones all around and a bijou streamlet with leaves floating down the stairs. It takes ages to construct and the process of installation itself must be documented and published in a large coffee table book.
The Whiteread is fashioned in concrete and is a negative version of the usual stair lift. It goes up when you want to go down and vice versa
The Hirst has accompanying wallpaper for the stairwell featuring half a dead cow and it has small pots if paint underneath so that when it reaches the top of the stairs and spins round furiously you have a unique spin painting on your upper landing
The Magritte is accompanied by a plaque with 'Ceci n’est pas une chaise' and keeps going past the top of the stair into the wild blue yonder
Apparently, the least popular is the Bosch. It takes you into other realms and you find yourself on your upper floor surrounded by terrible demons and flying monsters.
The most practical is the Duchamp because its dual purpose --- you can go upstairs and piss in it
The most popular is the Rigaud. Originally it trailed behind in the popularity stakes because people couldn't place the name but then they cottoned on to the fact that it came with free upgrade whereby you had your stairwell gilded and filled with mirrors and chandeliers and your garden was also 'made over' into a facsimile of the Gardens of Versailles with fountains:
a little 'de trop' pour moi, je pense.
a bientot..............
1 comment:
Fabulous, especially like the Beryl Cook, the Magritte and the Warhol. In fact I'd like a Cook Magritte Warhol all in one. What an experience that would be!
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