Emerging again....................

Well my dears, what can I say. Its been a long time --- too long ---- and my absence has been as much to do with a kind of mental malaise and topor as much as any physical blight. After Christmas I was full of hope and expectations. I was considering doing the Lightening Process and then....and then...well I just kind of lost hope. The more I looked into the LP the more I knew it wasn't for me and at the same time the wretched insurance stuff raised its very ugly head. Really I just got tired of the fight, tired of trying, tired of the brave face and decided not to try for a little while. I just couldn't be bothered to do anything other than that which I had to and there was plenty of that in any case.

During this phase I watched a very interesting programme about Marty Feldman who I loved in the 60s. Amongst all the smiles and laughter was a little film of a coach trip and the experience of Marty just summed up how I often feel as I reach and grab, stumble and fall in my attempts to keep up with the rest of the world


I don't feel very eloquent at the moment but there are two people who seem to have been feeling similar to myself in past months so I shall point you in their direction:

First there's Marianne who recently wrote a post about the stresses of maintaining a positive outlook whilst juggling family life and chronic illness like M.E. Look here if you want to read more. Marianne has been trying the Perrin Technique --- a kind of osteopathic approach to coping with M.E. She has been writing a diary of her progress and in reading it, something has chimed with my own experience of osteopathy. In the past I have only had treatment when my back has been bad but there has always been a sneaking suspicion that the feeling of lightness and well being after treatment could benefit me in a more general way. To this end I have spoken to my osteopath who is not trained in the Perrin Technique but knows the theory. I trust this man implicitly for his honesty and gentleness and so we have agreed to meet every two weeks for a couple of months to see if osteopathy can help me. I have tried to find a Perrin practitioner but the nearest one is 40 miles away and that trip is impossible for me.

The other person who summed up my feelings of late is Michelle at BehindtheSurface who wrote this very eloquent piece . Just the feeling of struggle and trying and falling and picking your self up is so bloody wearing sometimes that you can't try again for a little while.

And now the Spring really is beginning to arrive. I sit here with the windows open and the sun shining and birds singing. No matter how I feel in a general way, who couldn;t be moved towards hope and a more positive outlook on such a lovely day.