Firstly, thank you all so much for your responses. It's amazing to feel I have such a wide range of ideas and opinions to draw on at a rather confusing point. There are so many points to think about and address that I thought it best to pull it all together in a new post rather than another comment: to do justice to the amount of time and thought you have all contributed
You're all right. It is a real stumbling block to compare yourself to other people and ordinarily it's something I don't do --- it's pointless and, in fact, usually I don't very much care how other people live their lives so long as they don't harm or upset anyone else.
This case was different somehow because I'm so close to those people and have known them for so long and been involved with many creative projects with them both long ago. I see that they have somehow managed to walk that tightrope that Dominique refers to: they have maintained their creative practise despite their own difficulties (and they have had their own) and brought up two delightful children who are a real credit to their parenting skills. I just wondered how they did it when, in may ways, the tools they started off with are so similar to mine and my partner's. One of that couple is my partner's brother and the the woman is someone I have known longer than my partner. Her upbringing and the values she grew up with are even closer to those of my upbringing. It's like we all started off from a similar point with similar tools but somehow they utilised theirs more ably so that now their children are older and beginning to move away they don't have the task of desperately trying to retrace steps back to who they were/are because they are already there. I feel like I've completely lost touch with the real creative free spirit I was.
I think some of it is how we view our creativity and for me the tug between being creative (which deep down I see as selfish) and being responsible and caring has always been a huge stumbling block for me: the caring stuff almost always wins. In the case of my relatives, they are very caring and certainly their children have been very well looked after but in a much more pragmatic way than ours. They are much better at saying 'no'.
The other stumbling block has always been the 'shoulds and oughts' as Signs mentions and I guess this stumbling block and the aforementioned one are all part of the same package.
In the end there is no way that I can change my caring nature, the love of my children or my reaction to people in need -- i.e. to run across and help. That applies to anyone I care about really -- my children, partner, neighbours, friends, blogging chums, It's just who I am and at nearly 54 I doubt that it's possible to become a hard-edge creative diva ;O)
What I can change and what many of you mention, my sense of self worth about my creative side and a recognition of the fact that that matters too and I should set time aside for it. I need to get back to me somehow -- no matter that I have children, or a disabled child or that I don't always feel that well. I need to honour that side of myself and I know that if someone came to me with the concerns I have outlined, then this is how I would advise them. Secondly, I need to do it and not just talk about it.
Thank you again for all your thoughts. You're all treasures ;O)
You're all right. It is a real stumbling block to compare yourself to other people and ordinarily it's something I don't do --- it's pointless and, in fact, usually I don't very much care how other people live their lives so long as they don't harm or upset anyone else.
This case was different somehow because I'm so close to those people and have known them for so long and been involved with many creative projects with them both long ago. I see that they have somehow managed to walk that tightrope that Dominique refers to: they have maintained their creative practise despite their own difficulties (and they have had their own) and brought up two delightful children who are a real credit to their parenting skills. I just wondered how they did it when, in may ways, the tools they started off with are so similar to mine and my partner's. One of that couple is my partner's brother and the the woman is someone I have known longer than my partner. Her upbringing and the values she grew up with are even closer to those of my upbringing. It's like we all started off from a similar point with similar tools but somehow they utilised theirs more ably so that now their children are older and beginning to move away they don't have the task of desperately trying to retrace steps back to who they were/are because they are already there. I feel like I've completely lost touch with the real creative free spirit I was.
I think some of it is how we view our creativity and for me the tug between being creative (which deep down I see as selfish) and being responsible and caring has always been a huge stumbling block for me: the caring stuff almost always wins. In the case of my relatives, they are very caring and certainly their children have been very well looked after but in a much more pragmatic way than ours. They are much better at saying 'no'.
The other stumbling block has always been the 'shoulds and oughts' as Signs mentions and I guess this stumbling block and the aforementioned one are all part of the same package.
In the end there is no way that I can change my caring nature, the love of my children or my reaction to people in need -- i.e. to run across and help. That applies to anyone I care about really -- my children, partner, neighbours, friends, blogging chums, It's just who I am and at nearly 54 I doubt that it's possible to become a hard-edge creative diva ;O)
What I can change and what many of you mention, my sense of self worth about my creative side and a recognition of the fact that that matters too and I should set time aside for it. I need to get back to me somehow -- no matter that I have children, or a disabled child or that I don't always feel that well. I need to honour that side of myself and I know that if someone came to me with the concerns I have outlined, then this is how I would advise them. Secondly, I need to do it and not just talk about it.
Thank you again for all your thoughts. You're all treasures ;O)
3 comments:
Oh no, you're the treasure, Cusp.
Take care. xox
sounds like a little more "selfish" creativity would not go amiss, quite frankly!
How do you know that the couple who you mention don't look at you and wish that they had the caring and loving ways that you have with your children and those who you care about? You don't... so my point is no matter who we are, who we were or who we will become, we should never compare ourselves to others, for they don't walk in our shoes nor see through our eyes. Although you can see similarities in your lives you can't expect to both arrive at the same place with the same goals and ways of doing things.
As for the creative side, you shouldn't feel selfish for taking a little time for yourself. I know it is much easier to say than to put into practice. Perhaps you could start off small so it doesn't feel like such a huge step, something that feels manageable for you.
You are on the Cusp of many wonderful things, it is only YOU who thinks that you aren't able to manage all of them.
Give yourself a chance, and see where your journey will take you.
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