Today my Mum would have been 85. She died five years ago. I wish she was still here to talk to. I miss her and I especially miss her when going through a rough patch such as the one which seems reluctant to let go of me since the New Year.
I'm still here and struggling to get everything done that has to be done and, in the present situation, that means there's little left for 'niceties' like writing the blog and following other blogs. I know this is wrong. I know that I should make time for the little things that cheer in order to take the strain off the rest of the load but it just don't seem possible: I'm either doing what has to be done or in bed.
I hate this pinched existence and I'm trying desperately to make up lost ground. I miss you all and miss the interactivity and random relationships of blog-world but even the computer seems against me --- all sorts of problems and then wretched Blogger/Google decided to lock me out earlier in the week by refusing to accept the password I have had and has been accepted for over a year so that I couldn't even leave comments on others blogs.
I'm still here and struggling to get everything done that has to be done and, in the present situation, that means there's little left for 'niceties' like writing the blog and following other blogs. I know this is wrong. I know that I should make time for the little things that cheer in order to take the strain off the rest of the load but it just don't seem possible: I'm either doing what has to be done or in bed.
I hate this pinched existence and I'm trying desperately to make up lost ground. I miss you all and miss the interactivity and random relationships of blog-world but even the computer seems against me --- all sorts of problems and then wretched Blogger/Google decided to lock me out earlier in the week by refusing to accept the password I have had and has been accepted for over a year so that I couldn't even leave comments on others blogs.
Today the sun is shining and the daffodils are coming up --- little signs of hope.
9 comments:
Dear Cusp, sorry that you are going through hard times, and sad that you are missing your Mum. And that your computer is having hard times too.
My laptop seems to be dying a slow death at present too - will only run Firefox for a time and then it freezes and won't shut down properly so have to reboot constantly. And now it won't reboot properly half the time. I think there's prob a software conflict somewhere, but not had time to try and sort it out.
John's trying to buy a car to share with the girls, and it's taking forever. And taking lots of his time too. Ah well, he's off to Cheshire Oaks this morning to look at yet another car.
Bit of a grey day here today - just hope we get some sunshine later. Haven't been out in the backyard for days now - hellebores were flowering last time I was out, primroses and tete a tete daffodils too. We have the mini daffs as the yard is a bit small for the full sized ones. ;-) Sometime soon the first violets should begin to flower - will have to go and search for them soon.
Hugs from Liverpool
PS On a more positive side, the Revenue has begun to cough up some of the overpayments of IHT. :-)
urgh, computer problems can just feel like the last straw can't they? So frustrating... i hope things get easier soon x
Dear Cusp,
I send you a little sign of hope from Belgium...
Faith, Hope and Love,
Big Hug, Joni
Dear Cusp, it's very early days for me but all I can say is that I think I know a little bit about how you feel. All I know is that there is this empty space in my life. I'm trying to keep going but life does not 'feel' the same.
Sending you some healing vibes.
Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you.
I do hope that you are able to find your way out of this rough patch that you have been going through. Don't be too hard on yourself, try to be patient and just take each day, moment or whatever as it comes and I'm sure that gradually little by little things will improve.
Hopefully the warm air that Spring will bring with her may help you to feel a little better, I do hope so.
*hugs*
I am sorry Cusp.
{{{{Cusp}}}}}}
We will still be here as and when you can make into blogland.
I hope the daffodils portend a beautiful sprinf and summer for you.
xox
Hey cusp, pinched existence indeed. With M.E. everything, EVERYTHING becomes about focussing, making choices, prioritising, and so much falls by the wayside, often the good stuff, the more lighthearted stuff. These setbacks after a moderately better period are hard to take, but you'll know that you've gotten out before and will do so again. Hope it's soon and that you will find moments of joy on the way.
The daffodils bloom once the time and conditions are right. This is a rough patch and it will pass.
Was just thinking about you yesterday evening. Glad to see you.
Dearest Cusp, I am sorry it has taken me so long to get back to commenting on your post, you know what it's like resting between the hurly burly... I just wanted to say I am sorry you are missing your mum, that has to be tough on you. 'Pinched existence' is a wonderful phrase to explain the way we have to adapt our lives in the wake of this illness. Yes, there is something so hopeful and affirming about spring, it makes everything seem bearable. x
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