Hello my dear,
You've been so busy lately. Searching everywhere for something.
I'm not sure what it is you're hoping to find but I doubt you'll find it anyway. Sorry I don't have any clues for your search. Still, I am sorry that all your efforts have kept us apart. I enjoy our little conversations:it's really not the same when you pretend to only pay me scant attention.
After all you know I'm never very far away.
I like to keep in touch and I'm always here
should you find the need to talk
feel my prescence
the touch of my hand.
You and I have been through so much together.
****************
Do you remember when we first met ?
You were only 18: your whole life before you.
You thought a few days, even weeks off school might be quite nice: a chance to duck the pressure of 'A' levels and the relentless monotony of school.
Bet you never thought we'd form such a close bond and I'd still be around when you're in your fifties.
Of course, the irony is that whilst you continue to age, I never grow old really.
You grow older and less strong. I remain vigorous and able to maintain my grip.
****************
I want you to know that despite what other people might say I really do enjoy watching you go out.
You go ! I'm not stopping you.
I'm only just around the corner anyway and you know I'll be here at home when you get back.
I wouldn't want you to be lonely
Just so long as you tell me where you're going,
how long you think you'll be,
who you'll be with.
I wouldn't want to lose you, now would I ?
We wouldn't want to lose each other.
I'd be lost without you and you wouldn't know where to start without me after so long.
****************
Oh, by the way, I noticed that you've been taking those tablets again.
Who sold you those then ? ...................that person in the health shop ?
I don't think we should trust her.
She's very nice...well meaning, but honestly she'll only come between us.
I don't think she likes me. Can't think why.........
__________________
No.
I've decided.
I don't want you to see her anymore.
She's trouble
.........and that doctor who told you to rest up in the day: resting will do you no good.
You should just plough on with whatever it is you want to do.
***************
What's that ?
But you get so tired........exhausted ?
Your muscles get all achey and you can't think straight ?
You feel all confused and foggy ?
You're imagining it.
It's all in your head.
You're neurotic.
The trouble with you is you're weak; don't know your own mind
That's what I mean when I tell you to rely on me.
I can be strong when you are weak. I'll be your rock.
****************
I do know better, really I do ...for all the right reasons.
I know what you need better than you do yourself.
You know you can rely on me...even when other people have let you down
Haven't I always been there for you ?
I keep my promises.
Look what happens when you've tried to go it alone, when you've listened to all those experts, all those people who say they can help you: you're lost.
You need to pay attention to me.
Even when you think I've done something to you or for you that's bad (as you see it)
it's only because I love you,
because of this strong bond we've developed over all these years.
****************
If you'd only stay close by none of this trouble would happen.
You're always trying to give me the slip.
Don't think I don't know, don't see what you're up to. You want to get away from me.
I've told you before we're good for each other. We need to stay close.
I was made for you.
We were made for each other...hand in glove.
Together forever.
Don't disappoint me by trying to escape.
I've given you everything you have.
That's why I feel so hurt when you want to see other people,
do other things,
spend proper time with your family.
It's only because I love you...you do see that don't you ?
Don't go off again looking for something better.
It's not out there anyway.
Those other people are charlatans set on breaking us up.
Better to stay here with me.
We know each other so well.
All that stuff outside....not a patch on what we've got.
Stay here and I'll never leave you.
Nobody knows you like I do.
*****************
What's that they say ?
'Better the devil you know.'
Well I'm not exactly a devil am I?
You know who I am.....just myself...just ME
If you haven't read the post below please do.
Yet another person with M.E. has been sectioned under the Mental Health Act.
I cannot tell you how much this angers and saddens me.
Yet another person with M.E. has been sectioned under the Mental Health Act.
I cannot tell you how much this angers and saddens me.
8 comments:
This made me shiver. The creep has relatives, Cusp (or is it a clone?).
This is so sad and cleverly written cusp... it made me shiver too.
Ah Signs and Willow....no it's not a relative or a clone. S/he/it is all pervading; the all-seeing-penetrating-watching spectre waiting for you wherever you go.
Thought I'd have a go at something a bit different this year. I don't feel I have much left to say about the ins and outs and specifics of M.E. anymore...nothing that someone else couldn't say better than me, anyway.
Extremely insightful. We recognise the clues. We see the evidence. These words are so true.
Oh Cusp, this moves me to tears. This is so sad but also so very honest. I can relate on so many levels, I wish I couldn't but I can.
Although the nature of this piece is hard hitting, this is very well written and I feel makes for an eye opening read for anyone who wishes to try to understand what living with ME is like.
Everyone has said it already, so I'll just send you some hugs from wild, wet and windy Wales.
Maggie
Wow, what a powerful piece of writing. I never saw it like that before but yes. It's a very abusive relationship isn't it?
PWME sectioned under the Mental Health Act?
Bloody hell!!
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