Gladly the cross eyed bear

Good Friday

Good Friday here and I don’t imagine I’ll get much chance to attend to my blog much for the next two weeks ---children on holiday.

Whilst I have this opportunity, I thought I’d note down some of the children’s funny slip ups: at the moment my daughter is singing a new Easter hymn she has learnt at school. She’s only six and gets the words slightly wrong. I’ve no idea what the real words are ___ it’s one of those ghastly new trendy hymns but the mistake is priceless:

‘Jesus isn’t dead anymore
He’s alive and he is lurking………’

Sounds a bit spooky to me

I remember when she was three she wanted to buy something for my birthday. She had been discussing what I might like with her Mum and came to the conclusion that I would like a ice new big back scrubbing brush. She went with her Mum to buy same. She marched right up to the counter in Boots and said ‘Have you got any scrubbers for my dad’s birthday ?’
(I don’t know about other parts of the world, but here in UK ‘scrubbers’ can be a colloquial term for a woman of easy virtue so you can imagine the look of surprise on the assistant’s face)

My dad was a teacher and one of his favourite children’s slip ups was a boy who knew the hymn ‘Gladly the Cross I’d Bear’ but this boy thought the hymn wasn’t about Jesus carrying the weight of the cross but about a bear with a lazy eye !

Yum Yum : Brownies recipe

I'm putting this recipe here because poor old Michael Nobbs (www.michaelnobbs.com) has been feeling a bit guilty about enjoying the sinful pleasures of some luxury junk.

Well, for all those poor souls who must suffer a gluten or wheat free diet, here's something that might hit the spot. If you've got CFS like me or some other dread disease you must know that this recipe comes with some health warnings i.e. it won't do you good healthwise, it won't cure your condition, BUT it will make you happy for a while and feel that you're eating ordinary and naughty stuff like 'normal people' and if you feel a bit yuck afterwards, well, just think of the pleasure you had while you scoffed them.

Actually although they have a load of sugar, the walnuts might do you some good and chocolate is a known aphrodsiac (if you have the energy for post prandial activity !!)

100g butter (or dairy free marg)

75g cooking chocolate

100g gluten free flour

3 eggs

100g chopped walnuts

200g sugar

1 tsp baking powder

Melt the butter and choc together.

Mix the flour, baking powder, sugar and nuts in a separate bowls

Beat in the eggs and follow that with the butter/choc mixture

Pour into a 6"x8" oiled and lined tin
Bake for 30 mins at 180 C, 350 F, Gas 4

Right ---done my bit for personkind now.......................................

This is my second drawing for the Everydaymatters group. The challenge was to make a drawing/image of your favourite cup or mug. This is mine. It was my Dad's mug. He's been dead 6 years but I use this mug almost every day and whenever I drink from it or wash it up I think of him

Horray horray, the bathroom man's gone away

Horray horray, the bathroom man's gone away; and left us with a lovely new bathroom but some clearing up.

He was a lovely chap and I quite appreciated some company in the daytime, but it played havoc with my usual rest times and towards the end of the four weeks I have really been fading fast. He went on Monday noon and I'm trying to rest as much as possible because the Easter holidays start on Friday and I've got two weeks to get through with the children at home. I love them but it's very difficult keeping up with two lively littl'uns.

I shall have to be very careful in how much energy I expend and careful about what I eat and drink since that has an effect on my energy levels too.

Of course I also want sufficient energy so we can enjoy the Camper Van which I've decided to call Ruby Tuesday: I always loved that song --- especially the Melanie version.

I read my daughter 'Alexander Beetle' (from 'Now We Are Six') the other day and could hear dear old Mel singing the words in my head. I think my daughter will look a bit like her when she's older --- same dark eyes, same long dark hair

I am .............I miss

I was reading Michael Nobbs blog ( www.michaelnobbs.com) the other day and he has made a list of all the things he is. It’s a simple and intriguing idea ( as Michael’s ideas often are) and I am going to nick it for my blog (sorry Michael) >>

I am ~ ~ ~
· a parent
· a good (enough) parent
· a spouse
· a good cook
· creative
· moody
· jolly
· a survivor of all sorts
· living with CFS
· a camper van owner (yippee!!)
· a Dusty fan
· a lover of a particular grey green colour I call ‘pale snot’
· a whippet lover
· a seaside lover
· a Citroen lover
· conscientious
· loyal
· trustworthy
· secretive
· open
· contradictory

Moving on I’d like to expand on this idea because I was thinking about a lot of things I miss at the moment. Some of these are because of the CFS and some are to do with other circumstances. I do miss but I try not to regret –a waste of energy >>

I miss ~ ~ ~
· having enough energy
· waking up and feeling I can seize the day
· being able to be spontaneous
· being carefree and without responsibility
· being able to travel
· my Mum
· my Dad
· our old dog
· my beach hut
· my blue and white stripy jumper my Mum knitted me
· being younger and being abelt o look outrageous without looking like mutton dressed as lamb or the oldest swinger in town
· being able to eat bread
· being able to drink Pils (or any alcohol)
· be able to dance for long
· visiting the sea (but the van should see to that)
· going to work
· banter
· earning money

Teddy

Everyday Matters: Toyland ~ Teddy

Here it is: my first attempt at a drawing for EverdayMatters (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/everydaymatters)

The task this week was Toyland or a favourite toy.

This teddy has been with me since I was less than two. My Papa (grandfather) bought it for me at Selfridges and dropped by at our house on the way home. Teddy has been everywhere with me, bless his cotton socks. He’s battered and his nose is balding from all the kisses he received when we were both younger. His limbs are wobbly and his growl is failing ( he use to growl when he was tipped forward), but I still love him to death.

On being an Only

Having written yesterday’s blog I began to think a bit more about the differing attitudes my mother and I had about being an only child.

My mother always seemed to mourn the fact that she was an only: always looking for that lost sibling. I’ve never really felt that. I’ve been quite happy to be alone.

When I was younger or a child it was quite unusual to be only. People would ask impertinent questions about my mother’s fertility, make jokes about how my parents took one look at me and thought ‘no more’, imply that my parents were somehow selfish to only have one ---as if my sole status was something to do with their lack of ability to cope with more than one. There were all the usual inferences of being spoilt too.

I don’t think I was spoilt. I was loved and cherished, just as I love and cherish both my children now. I know that being an only made me mature more quickly, be comfortable in the company of adults at an early age and comfortable in a variety of social situations. I also know that sometimes the parental gaze was too fierce to bear –not because they were scrutinising me but because there was only me to watch. If I did something naughty, there was no one else to blame !! I also know the pressure of being an only when your parents get old and frail and needy and there’s only you to help them. Even so I wouldn’t change a thing and I like the fact that I enjoy my own company and am very independent.

The only problem I find is that I really need time alone or I go nuts. The last few weeks have been really hard with builders in the house all day from when my partner and the kids go to work and school – no space to breath at all for nearly 4 weeks and its beginning to tell on my frame of mind and mood.

daphodils

A year since I've seen my mum

Today it will be one year since my Mother died: a sweet woman who was always so kind and gentle and spent her life trying to help people. Like me she was an only child. Unlike me I think she always lamented the fact and longed for the supposed closeness of siblings.

My mum suffered from cancer and in her last weeks she really suffered and was incredibly stoic, continuing to get on with life as best she could. Her funeral party (it was a party) was full of daffodils and catkins and pussy willow (her favourite flowers) and friends.

I thank my mum for providing such a good role model and bringing me up with such kindness and sensitivity. I don’t know what happens after death, but I hope mum was right and she and my father are reunited in some way ~ as much in love as they were in this life.