She came and liked the work....but then the blow.....she's been thinking about it and it will be a huge risk if she has to self publish again so what if she doesn't pay me but offers me a % of any sales....oh and can I just alter this image here and that image there.
I want to help. I want to be nice. This is /has been my role in life ...I still want to be helpful and nice but not at the expense of my self-esteem and self-worth and I don't think doing a lot of work for no pay will boost my self-worth, so it's a 'no'. Shame really, because it was quite fun but I 'm really trying to re-assess my values and get back to what I know is true for me.
I can find other work which will sustain me both creatively and financially.
I have been reading Deepak Chopra's 'The Book of Secrets'. It's a very dense read but I find the more I read it and let it flow over me (rather than trying to study it with a pencil in my hand) the more the fundamental truths he writes about make sense or connect witthings I already know to be true.
It's odd too, because I find echoes of what he says in no end of places ---odd conversations, things on TV. One thing I love at the moment is 'Tribe' (BBC 2 9p.m. Mondays). Bruce Parry goes to live with remote tribes all over the world and really does live with them --not solely as an observer but really tries to integrate. His good humour, courage and warmth are a real inspiration and he is becoming a real hero to me. What's interesting is that so many of these tribes people have value systems and ways of being and thinking about the world which are more grounded than ours. So much of how they see the world chimes with what I find in books like Chopra's.
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