Where am I going ??

I had such a miserable day yesterday: passed now ... the grey sky, the boredom of my routine just got to me and then I had a curious moment in the day.

I am trying to sort out a lot of stuff and papers from when I still went to work. Amongst my stuff I have a huge collection of books, postcards, articles, objects which I used to use for reminiscence work with older people. I used to organise and develop projects, run training courses. It was something I felt passionate about and I loved and then, a few years back the sparkle just went out of it for me.

I guess I was just burnt out and when my father died from Alzheimer's I somehow felt a door had closed. If I'm honest there was probably a part of me that needed to do that work in order to feel some control over what was happening to my Dad , although I started doing that type of work when it was very new and quite innovative and long, long before any of us had an inkling that dad was ill. Anyway, I found all this stuff and knew it was time to get rid of most if not all of it ---- it really is something I'm over and don't want to do anymore but I've clung on to the stuff because
(a) I don't know what to replace it with --- it is such a huge part of who I was before I was ill and I invested so much time and effort and love into it and
(b) because, what the hell else will I do ?? what work can I do ? --- locally, I was known as The Reminiscence Person.

I took a big breath and waded in and sorted ---- some stuff I did keep because it was really personal and some because it might be useful for the kids' school work but I did manage to fill two huge boxes with all sorts of resources. Now what to do with it ??

I decided to see if I could pass it on to anyone who would make really good use of it and asked my partner to advertise it on the Council website. I was amazed ---- the response was overwhelming --- so many calls. At one point I thought I was mad not to go back to that area of work --- there's obviously a crying need, interest and I was good at it --- and I could make a living again. I nearly fell for it; nearly went back on my promise to only do what I feel is right NOW.........luckily I hung on and let the stuff go, but God it feels frightening. Will I be good at anything else ? Will I ever be able to make a living again ???