Well, I've managed to bash out four illustrations and she's coming to look today. This is very scary because I really don't feel like I know what I'm doing ....anyway she sounded positive about the stuff as I explained it on the phone.
The doing of it hasn't been made any easier by the fact that I feel pretty wierd and dreadful at the moment.
On Tuesday I went to the GP for my regular appointment where he says
'How are you ?' and I say
'Much the same' and we swap pleasantries for about 5 minutes and agree there's not much he can do for me and I say
'Goodbye' and he says
'Jolly good. Come back in three months.'
The thing is that on Tuesday I was feeling reasonable OK --well, as OK as I ever feel now. I sat waiting to see the GP in a very full waiting room ---- absolutely packed with the elderly population of my small market town. They seem to treat it as a social occasion:
'Did you know she says she's not coming to the meetings any more because Hilda made a nasty remark about her butterflies (cakes) at the Xmas Bazzar'
'Really, well they're nothing to right home about but we put them on the stall with everyone else's so why is she so upset. Oh look there's a lot a people going in for 'Bloods' ....that's old Fred Runeckle isn't .....poor soul........'
and whilst they chit chat and swap pill and ointment recommendations, muggins takes in great lung fulls of their bl*** germs and now I feel bloody dreadful cos I went to the doctor!
I joke and jape but actually this wretched condition (CFS) really gets me down sometimes. It really gets in the way of everything and its ugly head pops up when you least expect or want it. It's always there waiting to trip you up like a giant germ in a GP's waiting room.
I feel emotionally wobbly too. My poor bro-in-law, who's usually such a merry chap had a horrid year last year with a very strange and hard-to-diagnose illness. Eventually the docs got to the bottom of it and his funny turns and mind blowing depression have been completely alleviated by two drugs. I spoke to him last night on the phone and he sounds so well and cheerful and relieved. I am genuinely delighted for him and it's lovely to hear him as himself again and to see my partner so happy about it and relieved but inside I feel sad for me ----- if only the GPs could give me something to turn me life around like that so I didn't have to keep on trying so hard to keep up with everyone else and pretend I'm OK'ish when often I feel bl*** ill.
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