Having written yesterday’s blog I began to think a bit more about the differing attitudes my mother and I had about being an only child.
My mother always seemed to mourn the fact that she was an only: always looking for that lost sibling. I’ve never really felt that. I’ve been quite happy to be alone.
When I was younger or a child it was quite unusual to be only. People would ask impertinent questions about my mother’s fertility, make jokes about how my parents took one look at me and thought ‘no more’, imply that my parents were somehow selfish to only have one ---as if my sole status was something to do with their lack of ability to cope with more than one. There were all the usual inferences of being spoilt too.
I don’t think I was spoilt. I was loved and cherished, just as I love and cherish both my children now. I know that being an only made me mature more quickly, be comfortable in the company of adults at an early age and comfortable in a variety of social situations. I also know that sometimes the parental gaze was too fierce to bear –not because they were scrutinising me but because there was only me to watch. If I did something naughty, there was no one else to blame !! I also know the pressure of being an only when your parents get old and frail and needy and there’s only you to help them. Even so I wouldn’t change a thing and I like the fact that I enjoy my own company and am very independent.
The only problem I find is that I really need time alone or I go nuts. The last few weeks have been really hard with builders in the house all day from when my partner and the kids go to work and school – no space to breath at all for nearly 4 weeks and its beginning to tell on my frame of mind and mood.
1 comment:
Thanks for visting my blog and leaving your comments. :-)
I really sympathise over the builders. We've been working on our kitchen for nearly 2 years now, and are halfway through a bathroom refit too. We're fortunate that we have a friend who comes and does stuff for us, and he does have some idea how ME affects me. But we still have to get in sub-contractors from time to time, and I find it very difficult to cope with.
We've mostly put it all on hold for a while since Dad was admitted to hospital early December. He's back home now, but we had to help sort out care and benefits stuff, and I still need to get some forms sent to Mum as well. There just aren't enough hours in the day! ;-)
But we do want the bathroom finished, so I guess I'll have to bite the bullet again soon! The kitchen is likely to take much longer I'm afraid. I'd be happy with just a new sink, and hob and oven to replace 34 years old cooker to be going on with. But bathroom is priority right now. Can't wait for it to be finished, but already with our new bath with handles I'm able to take a bath at home again - not been able to do that for around 10 years! But we don't have a shower at the mo as the tiling isn't done yet. Ah well, we'll get there in the end I trust!
Any chance of you dropping me an email if you have time and energy enough? zen38947 at zen.co.uk
You might like to check out Co-Cure too:
http://www.co-cure.org/
I'm one of the Moderators of the email List, am not active as a Mod at the mo, but hoping to get back to it soon.
All the best,
Maggie
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