Loneliness of the long distance 'only'

Yesterday I received a letter from the wife of my father's work partner . My Dad died nearly 8 years ago although it seems like last week. I haven't seen his partner since my mother's funeral 3 years ago and yet the letter brought a sudden rush of unexpected sadness.

In many ways this feeling is inexplicable. I wasn't especially close to L (Dad's colleague) though I do have happy memories of big Xmas parties at his house with a big family gathering and being made to feel as if I was a part of it. As an only child, this annual celebration was a lovely thing for me and I really enjoyed seeing my parents enjoying themselves at such an occasion. We were a small, tight family unit (as families of only children often are) and such a crowd of people having fun in a domestic setting was a rare experience for me. My mother was also an only child too, with few other relatives, so our extended family was small anyway.

I suppose the sadness is about being an only child really. After the initial feeling, my next thought was 'I can't tell Mum & Dad'. It felt weird that they weren't there to share the news. Apart from working together for maybe 10 years, my father and L had been in the same 'work circles' for years, so my parents would have been sad to know of his death and there could have been some kind of conversation about L. and the parties and the holidays and the work etc.

As it is there's no one to talk to about it. (Well no-one who really knows about those experiences. As an only child with no cousins (no relatives apart from my partner and children) there's no one to talk to about it. When you're an only you really are alone for life. You can marry, have children, get on with and love your in-laws ( and I have and I do), have close friends, but you cannot share the memories of childhood, the funny family rituals in the same way because once your parents have gone, there's no one else who has quite the same connection.

This isn't meant to be maudlin but it can be a lonely road at poignant times like this and is a reminder of how much you miss the closeness of your own parents.

I thank the Lord that we were blessed and have two children who can share and support each other.

AN ONLY CHILD'S TEA-PARTY

When I go to tea with the little Smiths, there are eight of them there, but there's only one of me,

Which makes it not so easy to have a fancy tea-party as if there were two or three.

I had a tea-party on my birthday, but Joe Smith says it can't have been a regular one,

Because as to a tea-party with only one teacup and no teapot, sugar-basin, cream-jug, or slop-basin, he never heard of such a thing under the sun.

But it was a very big teacup, and quite full of milk and water, and, you see,

There wasn't anybody there who could really drink milk and water except Towser and me.

The dolls can only pretend, and then it washes the paint off their lips,

And what Charles the canary drinks isn't worth speaking of, for he takes such very small sips.

Joe says a kitchen-chair isn't a table; but it has got four legs and a top, so it would be if the back wasn't there;

And that does for Charles to perch on, and I have to put the Prince of Wales to lean against it, because his legs have no joints to sit on a chair.
That's the small doll. I call him the Prince of Wales because he's the eldest son, you see;

For I've taken him for my brother, and he was Mother's doll before I was born, so of course he is older than me.

Towser is my real live brother, but I don't think he's as old as the Prince of Wales;

He's a perfect darling, though he whisks everything over he comes near, and I tell him I don't know what we should do if we all had tails.

His hair curls like mine in front, and grows short like a lion behind, but no one need be frightened, for he's as good as good;

And as to roaring like a real menagerie lion, or eating people up, I don't believe he would if he could.

He has his tea out of the saucer after I've had mine out of the cup;

You see I am sure to leave some for him, but if I let him begin first he would drink it all up.

The big doll Godmamma gave me this birthday, and the chair she gave me the year before.

(I haven't many toys, but I take great care of them, and every birthday I shall have more and more.)

You've no idea what a beautiful doll she is, and when I pinch her in the middle, she can squeak;

It quite frightened Towser, for he didn't know that any of us but he and I and Charles were able to speak.

I've taken her for my only sister, for of course I may take anybody I choose;

I've called her Cinderella, because I'm so fond of the story, and because she's got real shoes.

don't feel so only now there are so many of us; for, counting Cinderella there are five,—She, and I, and Towser, and Charles, and the Prince of Wales—and three of us are really alive;

And four of us can speak, and I'm sure the Prince of Wales is wonderful for his size;

For his things (at least he's only got one thing) take off and on, and, though he's nothing but wood, he's got real glass eyes.

And perhaps in three birthdays more there may be as many of us as the Smiths, for five and three make eight;

I shall be seven years old then (as old as Joe), but I don't like to think too much of it, it's so long to wait.

And after all I don't know that I want any more of us: I think I'd rather my sister had a chairLike mine; and the next year I should like a collar for Towser if it wouldn't rub off his hair.

And it would be very nice if the Prince of Wales could be dressed like a Field-marshal, for he's got nothing on his legs;

And Cinderella's beautifully dressed, and Towser looks quite as if he'd got a fur coat on when he begs.

Joe says it's perfectly absurd, and that I can't take a Pomeranian in earnest for my brother;

But I don't think he really and truly knows how much Towser and I love each other.

I didn't like his saying, "Well, there's one thing about your lot,—you can always have your own way."

And then he says, "You can't possibly have fun with four people when you have to pretend what they say.

"But, whatever he says, I don't believe I shall ever enjoy a tea-party more than the one that we had on that day.